next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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