man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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