Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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