my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
