this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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