I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
