Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
