you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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