Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
