I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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