suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
