Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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