I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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