you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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