...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
