Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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