no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
