The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
