I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.