So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
