she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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