A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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