DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
