I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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