how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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