I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
