so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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