my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
