nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
