What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
