Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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