Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
