Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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