you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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