Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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