he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
