I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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