So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
