this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just forgot I was standing up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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