don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize