i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
