omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
