yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
