Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
