Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
