I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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