ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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