drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
