This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
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im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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