omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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