Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
