i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
