Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize