All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
