brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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