sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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