I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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