This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
