Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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