I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
