Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
