Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
