Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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