You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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