What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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