Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
