Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
