Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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