Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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