I cockslap morals
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
