I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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