Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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