would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
