Just fell off a train. Bad.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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