my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
