dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
